the_friz

So I have to go.. sorry I've been asked and chosen to go back to Qld this week and for some reason when I just tried to talk about it with my parents I burst into tears..
Im baffled at the reason behind this.. is it because deep down I know I dont want to work there or is it that deep down I think Ill end up there alone and depressed? or is it Nik im worried about? Do I think he wont chose me when push comes to shove?
I don't know....
just don't know.....

Growing up its an interesting idea.. It also makes life a stressful place to be... finishing uni getting a great job .. staying in this state or living remotely?.. can you handle it will your friends or partner handle it? ... will being successful come at the cost of happiness?? Is this what you really want to do with your life?
Stress has been mounding up lately... makes u realise how great those momments are when people in your life make you forget about them even if only for a few hours..
So thanks to you people that do that for me
xoxo

Mwah ha ha!! the phantom carnie strikes yet again!!!
hehe, so nik do you know what i want to do with you? hit you really really really hard, on the face, and in the groin, in a non-sexual way, cos i am way pissed off with you muther fucker!! weak weak pathetic excuse at the best of times... you forgot... FORGOT??? wanker. and then you dont even have the decency to tell me yourself??? pathetic bastard!!!!
dont even bother speaking to me.

(my apologies to spaz, and anyone else reading this)

Okay so I just realised that I have absolutly no idea what to write ...

Well recently twas kats 21st that was nice everyone was formal i got a tad drunk to drown out the pain of dumping nik that morning (i think it was very much justified)... not long after that was gabis 22nd in which i met MICHAEL (not at all what i expected his so quiet and gabi is so not and shes so confident and he appears so not to be... i guess oposites really do attract ... plus he makes her happy so what should it matter)!! aka gabis new boyfriend who shes fallen head over heals for ... ive got to say I was a tad upset with how that night turned out .. only kat and lo and I were there from uni the rest of people i didnt know majority left at 11pm (id only got there by 1030 damm u public transport) and i spent most of the night not talking to gabi as gabi was firstly busy saying hi to pple (understandbly) and then busy being with michael ... the rest of the night was then spent walking around melbourne with a throbbing ankle or excluded in a club called loop ... on the saturday night elisa, pen, megan and I went to melbourne (again) for pens birthday that was really great actually we ended up eating in china town we had a HUGE arse meal there I cant believe I ate so much but the food kept comming just kept comming and drank a bottle of champage (in wine glasses i might add i dont think they knew what champange or a champange flute was) during the night we decided to go on a winery tour either in the yarra valley or maybe closer to home .. we thought of this after seeing a add for a winery tour of yarra valley (cheese platter included so u know pens gonna love it!!) and then a ride on the puffing billy hehee i think it will be fun ...

Other then that ive had the drama with nik as ive mentioned we broke up because his mother became just too controlling ... things are okay between us now .. after he and his mum "discussed" the problems she inflicts on his life im not sure how long she'll not be a controlling bitch for but so far its been good

Hmmm other than that i still cant believe that i just recieved and invitation to short and nat's engagment party i do believe ill be going im still in shock of having friends engaged .. hmmm i feel like an old mad

Well the pork is roasting so i better check on it

i hate myself i absolutly hate myself !!! why do i let myself think about things way too much??? i cant be happy at uni i may smile and be nice but at home each night i just sit in dispare!!!!
I am not strong enough to be treated this way im sorry nik but im not
i need u to change or im going to change and leave u

why is it that all you want in the world is someone to love you and be there for you and fight for you??? and when it comes to the crunch you realise that perhaps the person you thought would give you these things cant or wont!is meatloaf right?? is two outa three not bad???should you stick around or should you move on and find that person who can give you what you want???

so im sitting here whilst the family are asleep waiting for nick to call and help me understand the events of last night. so lets back track .. yesterday was lo's housewarming party in mulvern and i was ment to stay and niks afterwards however niks mum called at 7 telling him i wasnt allowed to stay (slight change in plans ment i had to drive home)... obviously i was a bit cut but life goes on ... i went to lo's which by the way is a really nice place in mulvern Good Job Lo !! she seems very happy there too .. nik never showed up to the party and he never contacted me to let me know he wasnt comming which is so out of character for him .. infact the first i heard from him was 2am saying that his sorry and couldnt contact me sooner .. all ive heard since is pretty much the same thing but taht there was major dramas at home... so now as i sit and wait i wonder what happened taht was so big he couldnt let me know (till 2) he wasnt showing up (seems rude that the last words he said to me was see u tonight .. and never saw him). what happened at home taht he wont tell me .. is it my fault does his family hate me? has something bad happened to his dad in greece .. is he breaking up with me .....

So went out thurs night to the Rosstown Hotel with Nik, Kat, Low, Gabs, Liesl, Liesls ex bf wez, Dave and Nicole. It was a lot of fun... afterwhich we went drinking at some place in caufield with all bar Liesl Wez and Nicole. All in all i had a great night and got presents which come on how can u not like a night like that got 3 necklaces, money (go dave)bath products, and sex candy and edible underwear (thanks Kat i think she had fun on her first trip to sexy land)
So today was valentines day i woke up to find a message from nik alerting me to the fact taht i should not leave a. my car in the street and b. leave it unlocked ... this shocked me as i didnt know why he should know where my car was with him living in mulgrave and i in frankston and made my panic that my car was indeed unlocked .. turns out he drove over at 4 in the morning afterwork to leave a present for me however due to the rain he thought to leave it in my car which he broke into ... i cant believe he broke into my car .... spent the rest of the day with gabs and then we suprised nik by dropping bye....
To elisa and penny thanks so much for rining me on my bday well penny for and elisa rining in the week of my bday anyway hehehe im so sorry i was working and missed ur calls elisa ... also do not appriciate the comment im gonna get married soon or your comment bec :)

k ill make this one quick as its damm hot upstairs
tis my bday today YAY im old no im a 20 year old in the middle stage of not being a teenager and not yet being an adult .... i got a bag and perfume from cass and a iriver from mum and dad its really cool its red and plays songs the radio holds photos and files i just cant put it down i lve it... nik gave me a pair of silver earings with blue stone they match the necklace he gave me for xmas i love them to death :)
today was great mostly coz i got the first full day off in ages and got to see the pple i love most ... saw nik today .. and have just got back from dinner with cassi dad and mum we went to kananook boat house which was really nice if i was gonna have a function id have it there in the garden overlooking the lake
pen rang me this morning she actually rang twice the first time i was in the shower washing my hair the second time id just got outa the shower to had to run down teh stairs dripping wet twas great to talk to her thou and i cant wait till she gets back next sat
cant wait for tomoz either having a friend dinner with about 9 pple should be good even though ems not there and gabs gonna be late
well thats it from me too damm hot

hehe oh dear god the time has almost come where i turn 20 (fuck im getting old) just three more days
been working way too much and seeing pple way too little which sucks however in the past week ive seen the producers with nik which was great wish i had seen the stage show ... and last night i saw brokeback mountain with gabs .. not as gay as i was expecting from what i heard i was expecting an epidsode of queer as folk but scott was right it was a really tastefull movie i do think they dragged the ending out a tad but it was still a very beautiful movie ...
im a bit worried about myself it seems taht now i cant distinguish between the dream world and reality .. the last few times ive stayed at niks i swear his woke me upin the middle of the nik and wanted to muck around or said things in my ear .. when i ask in the morning why in gods name would u wake a person up he claims he didnt do it and doesnt know what im taling about ... weird coz it seems to real to me not like a dream tahts all hazy by morning but like an actual event that did occur .. which means a. i now cant distinguis between dream and reality or b. niks does some strange things in his sleep .. i like b better coz that way its not my whos crazy .. however i guess ill never know unless i video tape us whilst we sleep or something

MEN ARE SHIT ... what more can i say....

hmmm my god so much has happened i really dont know where to start so lets she how i go:
1. Heron island was seriously the best holiday i have ever had.. it was absolulty gorgous all the time blue ocean white sands fish sharks rays coral omg anyway it was my idea of heaven.. i loved it so much i didnt even mind having to conduct experiments whilst i was there.. i met some of the lovelest pple made aursome friends especially with chris and my roommates (Paula, yuni, Fi, Bri, Kerin, Jo .. oh and gabs was in there too but then i was already good friends with her) .. it was so upsetting to have to leave however staying in brisbane was great too.. upsetting that andrew is such a drag he really doesnt wanna do anything and just complains takes over an hr to get ready seriously i dont know if i wanna know what he was doing in the bathroom for that long but he bloody well made us miss the bus and i got him outa bed over an hr before we had to catch it grrrrr
2. christmas was okay twas kinda sad for my that the family left boxing day actually twas really weird to spend so many nights alone her with just Kleio.. anyhoo we spent christmas eve at the Kennans so cassie and james could exchange presents that was okay but i fell asleep on the couch .. christmas day was spent at aunty marrys and uncle bears which was okay but had to spend it with much older cousins and ther significant others... boxing day i spent at niks for his dads name day hmmm he made me say something in greek which im sure as hell i said very wrong.. hmmmm yes
3. have been working for what feels like non-stop at jobs i hate and despise but want the money from on the plus side it really helped me be distracted from the lack of family and now the lack of elisa and penny
4. oh yeah i went up for a few days to Eden to see the family i couldnt miss the anual holiday .. nik came with me which was sweet of him especially since he'd never been camping before.. the events that leed to this ie new years each are very unmemorable and i wish to forget them asap however the holiday was great fun
5. hmmm the lack of elisa and pen is starting to get to me especially now that im getting joint postcards from their trip around europe together they seem to be having a ball and elisa i just found out drank 1.6 L of beer the other night now this from a girl who hates beer seems like a pretty good effort to me... yeah its really getting to me the lack of pple i have here in frankston now that my two bestfriends arnt there i think i might be substituting the lack of them by seeing nik a heck of a lot which i love but yeah i dont know
well this is all from me for now

OMG pple just one more sleep till im off to heron island .. starting to get excited do hope i come but not pale white as i am now or lobster red (ahhh gilly he never learnt)
Spent last night and today with nik twas good ... my jacket smells like a wog now though as he sprayed it with his stuff to hide the smoke smell (we went to a pub for nicoles bday) .. hmm ill get over it
Hmmm not much to report just saying goodbye to u all .. at gabs currently so should probably help her pack ... but yet so tired ahh need sleep .. have to be up at 5.45 tomoz
tropical fish .. beach... sun ... ahh yay im in heaven in 1 sleep
bye

Just wanted to let u know that i got the job at the Peninsula Golf course today !!! YAY was only their for 5mins before they pulled out the roster and started trying to fit me in (i feel so loved)... he so now im a waitress in a funciton room (OMG im like elisa) and if i stay ill work in the bar downstairs (then ill be like penny too)
Hmmm so now im just waiting to see if office works will take me as well ... bet u they wont due to the fact i will be away for a week and a bit bloody bastards
OMG am veddy happy and going to cool off as im very hot right now (thanks nik)
LOVE
me

You are blessed with the gift of tongues.
You are an extremely friendly person to be around
with, and it's hard to ever hate you. You seem
to make friends with everyone you meet. People
are attreacted to your charm, and can't help
but feel comfortable around you. This also goes
for the animals, who seem to understand your
language as well as you can understand thiers.
Whenever there is a language barrier blocking
your way, you break it down with ease. You know
how to communicate with those who can't speak
your language, and in no time make a quick
friend. Man are you happy-go-lucky!


Everyone has a secret ability. What is yours? (7 answers with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla



oh yeah i have the gift of tounges GO ME!!!

OMG i just fucked up my last exam of the year for my fav subject it was so depressing Em didnt even stay till the end she said she fucked it up even worse making up at least half of what she wrote DAM U IAN AND MARION AND BRUE for writing such a shit exam... oh well i guess its over and done with and i hope the my other results are okay (man oh man i cant fail a subject i dont wanna join the dark side!!!)
Well went and ate copious amounts of mars bar cake with ema and drank choc milkshakes with at chaddy to soften the blow .. really it just made us feel sick :)
We then went to uni and sat on the hill near the ovals and watched pple set up fireworks for reasons i know not ... and listened to em ask me many many questions ... twas very entertaining embolism and dont worry im sure im not gonna overtake u anytime soon although i might do such an act there heheeh
well im waiting for elisa for reasons i know not but apparently shes coming back to franga tonight to celebrate and i better be there is all i know
hmmm shit i have to look up centrelink stuff looks like i cant get youth allowence damm dad apparently making too much but i can get rent assistance by the looks of it .... well really should look coz as i am having no outside help to fund the move i need to make sure im 100% able to finance it (especially since i need to let elisa know by this friday)
YAY jons party is this friday Gabs you are so comming coz theres no way im going to a party where i only know nik and jon, especially since niks bringing his wog group
Welll yeah....
LOVE YOU ALL

OMG today is so fucking great its like 30 degrees outside and it was ment to be storms this afternoon and so far no site of them .. elisa and i went to the seaford beach this morning swam and baked in da sun which strangly i got burnt but just on the tops of my thighs!! had fish and chips for lunch with cassi and james (OMG do u know that americans dont have dim sims George had one yesterday for the first time eva .. which i might add he was not too impressed with)
Currently im sunbaking outside whilst studying for my last exam on tuesday OMG thank fuck finally my last exam is almost upon me ... thought id take a break to check on the weather and unded up on this site damm it
On friday i went to Gabis for dinner which was quite nice then her nik and i went out to the Spiegeltent in melbourne near the arts centre which was really great it has live bands that play in it and its jaz music which i love.. we had to leave early coz nik started work early (which i also did but didnt think to mention) .. but of course being a guy he was hungry and made us go to chapel st to get a sovlaki which was actually really nice .. on the downside he got a $150 parking fine :( .. all in all a good night however i was really tired by the end of it (soz nik)
So realised today that i am in a mth old relationship and im still not sick of him (which is a first for me im proud to admitt ... think elisa might have had a small heart attack when she found out .. however we both agreed the real heartattack would come when she comes to me and says a. im in love b. im pregnant.... think its safe to say that wont happen for a while hehehe ... or it will happen soon but it will take yrs for her to admitt it)
well im gonna go back to study as i actually love this subject
Pen im so excited for you and angry your leaving at the same time .. hope ur trip is so fucking good (sorry about the language pen)and we have to have the group do something before you leave
love ya all

well guess u all know that i had paradise by the dashboard in my head today (please dont read anything into the lyrics)
life really has been quite a sea of nothing lately with exams and all taking up a GIAGANTIC slice of the lemon pie that is life... ive had 3 exams only 4 more to go YAY man seriously no one do science they give u at least 2 exams persubject for most subjects i mean this is rediculus!!!
my back is killing me from studying infact am laying on the bed attempting to type this in order to dull the pain
Last night i went out for alices (from work) 20th bday celebrations .. didnt really want to go as i didnt overally enjoy them last yr however this yr was dinner at davies so i figured i could do that ... nik offered to come with me so toghether we went ... he infact had gone to school with Alices ex boyfriend who was there (for reasons i dont know oh well each to their own) damm Melbourne High rich boys ... so the talked and then alice joined in as she went to Mcrob which associates with melb high or something so they were all chatting merrily hmmm actually wasnt so great to be an outsider ie me and otehr to pple left there
oh well good for them
dinner was okay
Donnas staying at our house for a while apparently she and robert are having marital difficulties (well u cant really call it taht since their not married but still .. having defacto difficulties)... it must be bad she flew over from tassie tonight and took a train straight out here dont know how long shell stay .. why do we always have things like this happen around my exam time arrrrr oh well

Elisa Craig Tim went out last night was kinda pissed off that i couldnt go with them i havent been with the old group in ages oh well im sure we can do it another night .. or we wont which would be sad
well i better get back to study damm biology
night ya all

Ahhh relationships :)


Boy:
I remember every little thing
As if it happened only yesterday
Parking by the lake
And there was not another car in sight
And I never had a girl
Looking any better than you did
And all the kids at school
They were wishing they were me that night


And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C'mon! Hold on tight!
C'mon! Hold on tight!


Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light


Girl:
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely dressed


Ain't no doubt about it
Baby got to go and shout it
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed


Boy:
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely dressed


Baby doncha hear my heart
You got it drowning out the radio
I've been waiting so long
For you to come along and have some fun


And I gotta let ya know
No you're never gonna regret it
So open up your eyes I got a big surprise
It'll feel all right
Well I wanna make your motor run


And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C'mon! Hold on tight!
C'mon! Hold on tight!


Though it's cold and lonley in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Paradise by the dashboard light


You got to do what you can
And let Mother Nature do the rest
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely--


We're gonna go all the way tonight
We're gonna go allt he way
An tonight's the night...


Radio Broadcast:
Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker
going here, two down, nobody on, no score,
bottom of the ninth, there's the wind-up and
there it is, a line shot up the middle, look
at him go. This boy can really fly!
He's rounding first and really turning it on
now, he's not letting up at all, he's gonna
try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center,
and here comes the throw, and what a throw!
He's gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's out!
No, wait, safe--safe at second base, this kid really
makes things happen out there.
Batter steps up to the plate, here's the pitch--
he's going, and what a jump he's got, he's trying
for third, here's the throw, it's in the dirt--
safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base!
He's taking a pretty big lead out there, almost
daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher
glance over, winds up, and it's bunted, bunted
down the third base line, the suicide squeeze in on!
Here he comes, squeeze play, it's gonna be close,
here's the throw, there's the play at the plate,
holy cow, I think he's gonna make it!


II. Let Me Sleep On It


Girl:
Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further--!


Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
Do you love me!?
Will you love me forever!?
Do you need me!?
Will you never leave me!?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life!?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife!?
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me!!!?
Will you love me forever!!!?


Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning


Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning


Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning


Girl:
I gotta know right now!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
And will you love me forever?


Boy:
Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And I'll give you my answer in the morning
Let me sleep on it!!!


Girl:
Will you love me forever?

Boy:
Let me sleep on it!!!

Girl:
Will you love me forever!!!


III. Praying for the End of Time


Boy:
I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!


So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!


Boy:
It was long ago and it was far away
and it was so much better than it is today


Girl:
It never felt so good
It never felt so right
And we were glowing like
A metal on the edge of a knife